What a Hot Summer Patio Taught Me About Life

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The other day, on Labor Day, I decided to procrastinate from overdue work and tan my body in the backyard like an irresponsible hedonist.

Once sufficiently crisped and sweaty, I realized there was an arduous reality ahead of me, namely a Spanish tile floor, heated by 100 degree weather and blistering sunshine. In short, that shit was hot. Scorching.

I stuck my feet in the pool to prepare and contemplated my plan of attack. The road seemed helpless. I considered yelling to the house for a pair of sandals to rescue me. Instead I took a step.

I spotted a patch of shade in front of me and I sprinted. The soft spots of my feet were on fire, but my callouses, those gross, thick patches of skin developed from years of high heel abuse and walking around Manhattan, protected me slightly. I made it to the shade, took a breath, and spotted the next shady oasis. I ran there. Eventually, after making frequent stops along a very indirect path, I made it inside.

This probably seems like the most inconsequential first world problem to share. It is. But, to me, it also seems a lot like life. My friends and I are very worried all the time. Worried we’re wasting our twenties; worried we’re not in the right job; not in the right city; not in the right relationship. We’re suffocated by anxiety. We feel like we’re running a marathon with no idea where the finish line is. It’s probably not a sensation limited to the twenties, but of course this is all I know so far.

The point is, even though my destination seemed impossible to reach, I didn’t have to run all the way to the house. I just had to run to the shade—the closest visible spot that made sense. I only had to go it a bit at a time. Common sense and callouses—the blessings of a life full of mistakes—got me home.

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My Genius Moment

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I am not a genius. One time I asked where Norwegia was.

But sometimes, I am genius (the adjective and noun carry such different weight don’t they?).

One of those times was this morning. I have a pair of black opaque tights that I love. They’re just the right thickness, color and they don’t squeeze my thighs like sausage casing (I know you know). I’ve worn them so much that they’re–rightfully–pilling. Obviously this is devastating and enough reason to leave them in the lingerie drawer.

But then today I realized, “I SHOULD TURN THESE BAD BOYS INSIDE OUT!”

Voila! My sad, pilling tights are now brand new. No money spent.

I know what you’re thinking, and yes, today I wore a sticker that says “Einstein of Hosiery”  to commemorate.

 

Photo: Goldie Hawn by Richard Avedon, 1975

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Do You Know Gloria Vanderbilt?

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This weekend I became fanatically fascinated with Gloria Vanderbilt. I’d heard of her before, but for some reason I started digging into her life story and consequently decided she is everything. Here are six reasons I think Gloria is the kitten’s nightgown.

1. She has a wild story. Here’s an excerpt from her Wikipedia page.

“Vanderbilt was born in New York City, the only child of railroad heir Reginald Claypoole Vanderbilt and his second wife, Gloria Morgan.

She became heiress to a half share in a $5 million trust fund upon her father’s death from cirrhosis when she was 18 months old.The rights to control this trust fund while Vanderbilt was a minor belonged to her mother, who traveled to and from Paris for years, taking her daughter with her. They were accompanied by a beloved nanny, whom young Gloria had named “Dodo”, who would play a tumultuous part in the child’s life,and her mother’s identical twin sister, Thelma, who was the mistress of The Prince of Wales during this time. As a result of frequent spending, her mother’s use of finances was scrutinized by the child Vanderbilt’s paternal aunt Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney. Whitney, a sculptor and philanthropist, wanted custody of the young girl and soon a famous custody trial became the lead story of 1934. The trial was so scandalous that at times, the judge would make everyone leave the room so as to listen to what young Vanderbilt had to say without anyone influencing her. Some people heard weeping and wailing inside the court room. Testimony was heard depicting the mother as an unfit parent; Vanderbilt’s mother lost the battle and Vanderbilt became the ward of her aunt Gertrude.

Litigation continued, however. Vanderbilt’s mother was forced to live on a drastically reduced portion of her daughter’s trust, which was worth more than $4 million at the end of 1937.Visitation was also closely watched to ensure that Vanderbilt’s mother did not exert any undue influence upon her daughter with her supposedly “raucous” lifestyle. Vanderbilt was raised amidst luxury at her aunt Gertrude’s mansion in Old Westbury, Long Island, surrounded by cousins her age who lived in houses circling the vast estate, and in New York City.”

2. She is a blue jean pioneer.

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3. She has a penchant for absurd prints and chaotic, fabulous interior design.

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4. She is Anderson Cooper’s MOM (see him above)! I know, don’t you feel weird inside?

5. She’s an artist, writer, fashion designer, and she’s casually launched 8 fragrances.

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6. In this interview I learned she penned an erotic novel in her 80′s, God bless her.

I think  I may need to read “The World of Gloria Vanderbilt” to satiate my interest in this badass woman.

xx

 

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15 Links I Like

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Hey girl, Friday looks good on you. What are you doing this weekend? After a few glasses of red I’m probably going to Instagram photos of my friends that look exactly the same as all the other weekend photos we take.

Here are fifteen links you might like.

I thought this letter from Sinead to Miley was pretty spot on.

You may have already seen it, but this duet  is just too adorable to handle.

If you want some perspective, here you go.

I pinned the shit out of this wedding (I mean the dress, come on).

This is one badass mom.

“Life is too short to be busy” –just one great nugget from this refreshing article.

I got majorly homesick watching this gorgeous video.

This pillow kills me.

And, if you’re interested, here’s some stuff I wrote recently:

Did you know your wrinkles can tell your secrets? Well, they can.

Here’s a trend to try if you want to feel french.

Here’s a kickass guide to the right foundation for your skin type.

Here is everything you could ever want to know about facial peels.

I thoroughly tested this method before creating the guide to a perfect messy bun in 3 steps (it’s easy!).

If you’ve ever wondered what color correcting concealers are, here you go.

And finally, the whole time I was writing this article all I was thinking was, “You sneaaaaaaky MOM!”

PS I want to talk about Snapchat. I don’t get it. Does that make me old? I’m trying! Bye.

xx

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Vreeland On Vanity

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Style Spotting

Just a touch of sartorial inspiration to brighten your Monday.

P.S. Um, you guys, I totally called it: pineapples are having a moment!

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10 Links I Like

What’s shaking guys? I bought a microwave and I’ve been warming up oatmeal, popcorn and Indian food from Trader Joe’s like a bear on the brink of hibernation. I also picked up a cold on the L train… thank you strangers.

Anyhow, here are some badass links to kick off your weekend.

This conversation made me giggle.

This video is majorly feeding my moving-to-Italy fantasy.

I just cannot get over this guy’s version of “I Will Always Love You.”

This gif hit a little too close to home.

Pasta AND avocado in one recipe? I mean….

Though it’s somewhat unfortunate of me to like my own links, here are some of my articles from the past week:

This article on how my poor eating habits are affecting my skin is mildly depressing (farewell diet soda).

I went backstage at NYFW so that I could snap pictures of beauty trends, stalk my favorite models, and pretend like someone was going to post a picture of me on their street style blog (shockingly, I haven’t popped up yet). Highlights of the week included spotting Rachel Zoe’s cherub child and meeting the most eccentric flamingo of a person, celeb makeup artist Alice Lane.

In response to those times when you’ve looked in the mirror and thought, “I have more makeup on than a drag queen on Christmas” I wrote a piece about subdued, made-under makeup.

If you have naturally hair, I’ve gotchu gurl.

And if you’re thinking of coloring your hair, here are some things you might want to consider first, plus how to pick the right color for your skin tone!

Have a freaky weekend my pumpkins.

xx

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